i’m just like in a real fucking bad place right now where i want to be the independent woman i know i can be but i also just want someone to tell me i’m pretty and love me for who i am and all of my flaws and quirks and the things i like and not think i’m stupid for marathoning harry potter or locking myself in my room for hours at a time because i need the solidarity i just want someone to want me and tell me i’m beautiful and hold me when i cry and honestly i just want to have a breakdown right now and if i could find my razors i would without a doubt be destroying my legs because there is nothing else that i can control right now
i don’t have a job, i’m like two thousand dollars in debt of my own doing, i’m fucking useless and can’t do anything right, i can’t get my shit together, i try and i try but my anxiety takes over and everything that could be good turns to shit because i can’t handle being an actual adult, i’m on the verge of being an alcoholic, i chain smoke like nobody’s business and can’t afford to buy cigarettes and if i wasn’t so fucking selfless i’d probably kill myself but i can’t do that to my mom because it would fucking destroy her but god i just want to disappear so bad. i can’t do this for much longer. i can’t. i want to end it all so bad. i can’t afford anything, i can’t afford to live. i have no idea what i’m going to do come fall when my parents are moving and i’ll have nowhere to go. i’m not going to accomplish anything that i want to in life. what’s the fucking point
traewrites posted this